


Here We Go Again

by newtntommy



Series: Newtmas One Shots [19]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Crying, Depression, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, creator thomas, newt's suicidal night, thomas is not in maze yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2800184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newtntommy/pseuds/newtntommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Request/Prompt: I just realised that when Thomas was working for wicked and watching the gladers he must have seen newt jump off the wall and I think that’s when he decided he couldn’t watch them die anymore</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here We Go Again

**Author's Note:**

> THIS KILLED ME SO MUCH WHEN I WAS WRITING IT

_No_.  
Thomas’s stomach drops when he sees one of the many cameras displayed on his screen show Newt walking to one of the walls slowly. He hurriedly taps on the one to make his whole screen show the blonde. He barely breathes when the camera changes to another camera, and the new angle was showing the front of Newt’s body. 

The blonde was crying.

 _No no no no_. 

Thomas didn’t know what to do. He wanted to scream and yell for someone’s help to do something. Anything. They had to do something to make the boy stop what he was planning on doing. 

Thomas knew what Newt was going to do. 

Sadly though, Newt was just ‘subject A5’ to wicked. 

His breath stutters when Newt takes his first grab for a vine on the wall. Thomas sees the shakiness of the grasp, and he wishes upon the gods that the sweat forming on Newt’s hand would discourage him from doing this. 

Newt only grabs for another vine with his other hand. The camera shows the tears streaming down the blonde’s face. It shows the frustration Newt had towards everything in the maze and how screwed up the situation was. Thomas yearns to hold the blonde against him and soothe his fear and anger. He wanted one of the boys to actually _notice_ Newt’s depression and suicidal thoughts. He wanted them to notice Newt’s scared expression whenever he had to enter the maze. He wanted them to notice how wide the blonde’s eyes get whenever the grievers groaned in the middle of the night. He wanted them to notice these things. 

Thomas knew the first time Newt got depressing thoughts. 

He saw the chemicals in all of the boys’ brains everyday. He saw the loss of monoamine in Newt’s brain only a year after he entered the maze. He saw the internal symptoms of depression. Only now are the symptoms showing themselves on the outside. 

That was when he realized how much he liked Newt. He really liked him. He liked the courage, honesty, and smarts the boy had in him. He was also nice to all the gladers and always helped the new boys adjust by telling them to relax and that everything was okay. 

Thomas just wished Newt believed his own words. 

_This wasn’t supposed to happen_. 

Newt wasn’t supposed to have suicidal thoughts. He wasn’t supposed to feel so isolated and trapped. He wasn’t supposed to be so nice and cheery in front of the others, and then hate himself when he’s alone at night. He wasn’t supposed to want to kill himself. 

He wasn’t supposed to be climbing up a wall by the vines crying out for his life to be taken. Thomas wanted to bang on his desk and scream at the screen. He wanted to scream at Newt for doing this. He wanted to yell at the boy that everything was going to be okay. 

He couldn’t though. The scientists were getting suspicious of his attitude towards their company and what they were doing. He had to be calm and nice, and not complain about anything. 

"Subject A5 is expressing suicidal thoughts. He is climbing wall 235 in section 4." 

Thomas’s stomach drops when he hears one of the wicked creators state this. He scrambles out of his chair after the man. He grasps the man’s shoulder.

"Are we going to do anything? Move the wall before he gets too high? Knock him off?" Thomas rambles helplessly. His adrenaline was going haywire. 

"Are you kidding boy? This is excellent towards our variables!" the man laughs ignoring how Thomas’s face falls and walking away. 

_No no no no no_.

Thomas sprints back to his chair and sits down watching Newt climb higher. Newt’s whole face was red and tears were streaming faster down his face. Thomas could feel tears of his own forming in his eyes.

"Tom?" 

Thomas whips his head to the right to see Teresa looking at him worriedly. He always liked Teresa, though not as much as Newt of course. He liked how she cared for the gladers just as much as he does. She just doesn’t let her concern slip out as much as Thomas does. 

"New-Subject A5 is climbing one of the walls. He’s showing signs of depression and suicidal thoughts," Thomas mutters shakily. He sees Teresa gasp and then look through her own set of cameras. Thomas focuses back on Newt. 

He was now at the top of the vines. He couldn’t go up any further. Thomas watches Newt’s hands and legs shake as he looks back at the ground. Thomas didn’t even notice that his hands were bleeding from his strong hold on his desk. 

Thomas looks through the cameras around the area to find Alby was heading over there. He was calling for Newt and saying that the doors were about to close for the night. Newt didn’t say a word. 

The world seemed to have frozen as Thomas watches Newt bends his knees. He was going to jump. 

_No! No! No!_  
Thomas screams in his head. He watches Newt take a breath.

The blonde lets go.

"No!" Thomas screams no longer in his head. "No! No! No!" he screams in repeat. He barely registers the hands on his arms, and that he was knocking everything on his desk off. 

"No!" he screams tears coming down his face as he watches Newt hit the ground. He feels some hope when Alby finally sees Newt and realizes what he just did.

He feels someone insert a shot in his arm, but he was still conscious long enough to watch Alby easily pick up the injured boy. Thomas looks at Newt’s brain scan again and sees that he was alive still.

Thank god.

He didn’t _care_ how unhappy Newt looked when he sees that he didn’t succeed at killing himself. He didn’t care how much harder the blonde cried. He was still alive. He was okay. The jump would cause a permanent limp to his step though.

Just when he was about to go under, he sees Teresa in front of him looking like she was going to cry. He slowly shakes his head.

"I can’t watch them die anymore," he whispers.

Then he falls unconscious.


End file.
